She has a Doctor of Pharmacy degree: five years of struggle and study. She was a top scorer; her spotless transcripts, with the straight A’s (and an occasional A minus or B plus), are proof of her continuous dedication to the field. Every teacher envisioned her role in contributing towards Pakistan’s development in medicine and medical research. They spoke highly of her, highlighting her capabilities and emphasising her potential. She was a gem, a rare find, an absolute one-of-a-kind. She would succeed.
She participated in debates and won several of them. Her artistic half wasn’t neglected either; her paintings adorn her house’s walls and her clay figurines are quite popular with friends and family. In fact, she even started selling the figurines online to much acclaim. They garnered a large fan base, until she decided to stop during her fifth semester at college – the courses at school were too demanding and she knew she had to get her priorities sorted if she wanted to succeed. She learned how to swim, ride a bicycle and speak French, all by the age of thirteen.
Scared of no one, she would scale trees to get marooned kites that her older brother and his friends were too scared to retrieve. She was a great help around the house too: from making rotis to dusting the excruciatingly expensive sofas in the drawing-room, she could handle it all if she were left on her own.
Here comes the grand finale. The culmination of her 21 years has led her to this one stage where it will be decided whether she has been a success or a failure. This is her defining moment. All her struggles: the all-nighters spent studying while her brother snored nearby, the scuttling to and fro from teacher to teacher to understand a convoluted biopharmaceutical concept, the assignments and quizzes and presentations: this is it. If this one moment is ruined, those five years would have been a waste. Not just a waste of her time and toil; it would be a waste of her parents’ money and a waste of their dreams. They had chalked up a complete plan for her, and destroying that would be destroying 21 years of their lives. 21 years of their sweat and their honour, down the drain. She would be unsuccessful.
Adjusting her dupatta, she glances at her sister, who gives her an encouraging smile. She manages to nod back. She picks up the silver tray of chai cups (the most delicate ones in the house, of course) and tea biscuits. Taking a deep breath, she forces a smile on her face and heads towards the drawing room, where the guests wait to pass their final judgment.
Confused? Javeria’s ordeal is a pretty common one in Pakistan. A lot of Pakistani parents enrol their daughters in higher educational institutes so they can get better marriage offers. The mother of the potential groom (and sometimes, his other family members) pays the girls’ parents a visit. At times, the would-be groom tags along as well. They are given VIP treatment and are seated in the living room (in most Pakistani households, an entire room of the house is especially dedicated for this highly productive purpose, with costly furniture and an attached bathroom), where they are served the evergreen chai by the prospective bride. The mother-in-law (who is elementary school educated and likes to spend her time reviewing her neighbours’, friends’ and family members’ actions) then attempts to glean everything there is to know about the girl in the space of thirty to forty minutes. She knows Javeria has studied to be a doctor so she can expect a generous dowry from them.
But what she doesn’t know is that Javeria is kind, generous and passionate. She doesn’t know that Javeria likes Sia and Maroon 5, and enjoys a bit of opera at times as well. She doesn’t know that the girl has written poetry that has been published in magazines and newsletters. She doesn’t know these things because they are irrelevant to the woman’s purpose. The woman is here for a fair-skinned bride with a college degree for her son who can spend her time cooking rotiyan for him.
This is all true and it is happening. A young girl with an MBBS degree will spend the rest of her life cooking and cleaning for a man who works for the Coca-Cola Company. I cannot observe this disturbing trend from the side-lines anymore. It’s distressing and what’s more, it is not restricted to the middle class. Many elite Pakistanis still slave for this custom, for this abhorrent culture. If we as Pakistanis don’t start to realise that there is something seriously wrong with what is going on here, we’ll fail to prosper as a nation, as an economy, and as a people.
‘No nation can rise to the height of glory unless your women are side by side with you.’
– The Quaid-i-Azam, Muhammad Ali Jinnah, at Aligarh, in March 1944
January 26, 2017 at 4:21 pm
Hey u have a nice blog really loved this 😉
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January 26, 2017 at 4:49 pm
Thank you idiotchamp! Be sure to share if you liked it 🙂
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January 26, 2017 at 4:49 pm
Yups surely
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January 26, 2017 at 4:52 pm
really nice one 🙂 waiting to see more quality stuff from you soon Insh Allah
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January 26, 2017 at 4:55 pm
Thank you Usmankheshgi!! 🙂 Spread the word 😀
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January 26, 2017 at 4:54 pm
Keep writing.
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January 26, 2017 at 4:56 pm
Thanks!!! ^_^
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January 26, 2017 at 5:46 pm
Nice work. Keep going!
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January 26, 2017 at 6:01 pm
Thank you ^_^
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January 26, 2017 at 6:36 pm
sure
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January 26, 2017 at 6:39 pm
great job
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January 26, 2017 at 6:41 pm
Thank you Suleman, go ahead and share it 🙂
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January 27, 2017 at 5:11 pm
I read this thought provoking article with much sadness. I’ve been opportune to meet with very intelligent ladies whose dreams have been set on the sidelines while their worth is measured by her cooking of Al Machboos.
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January 27, 2017 at 5:29 pm
Thank you so much jacquelineobyikocha! It is very sad how little we think of women, and how little we think of our own capabilities. I’m really glad you liked it 🙂
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January 27, 2017 at 5:57 pm
It’s a pleasure to read even though it sobers one.
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January 30, 2017 at 12:42 am
I really like this & the approach you took with it.. & your writing style makes it all the better🙌🏼
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January 30, 2017 at 3:58 pm
Thank you so much Neemra! ^_^
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February 18, 2017 at 4:47 pm
This is an incredibly heartfelt post with much truth. It’s a sadness that plagues many nations, women’s success and parents success based on whether she is married. Change is needed, but change is far to come
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February 18, 2017 at 7:06 pm
Thank you, Missbritistani ^_^ yes change will be gradual but it has got to start from somewhere!
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February 21, 2017 at 4:22 pm
Efforts!!!!!!!!! Thats great madam
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February 24, 2017 at 2:51 pm
Thank you Ghani!! 🙂
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February 26, 2017 at 9:01 am
This was so good! It’s sad and frustrating that some Pakistanis have a tendency to brush their issues under the carpet- like this one. Lets hope things change!
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February 26, 2017 at 10:56 am
Yes, enough with the crumbs under the carpet! Haha! Thank you so much 🙂
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February 26, 2017 at 1:43 pm
Hahaha exactly!
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February 27, 2017 at 3:31 pm
Pray that he is a like minded man!
It doesn’t seem fair at all. I wonder how it’d work if the whole marriage thing could be combined to be done partly the way it’s done in Pakistan (India, Iran, etc.) and partly the way it’s done in the “west” (I’m not sure what that’d look like). I know it doesn’t always work well over here either. Sometimes there isn’t enough family involvement.
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February 28, 2017 at 6:07 pm
Hahaha that would be an interesting combination! Thank you for your comment pjmarieblog 🙂
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